My visit to get screened for cancer:

Nurse:

"Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."

Me:

"He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."

Nurse:

"So he's your...."

Me:

"Friend."

Nurse:

(During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"

Me:

"11."

Nurse:

"How old were you when you first became sexually active?"

Me:

"....Loaded question but....14, I guess."

Nurse:

"You're sexually active, then."

Me:

"Well....I guess...but..."

Nurse:

"How many times have you been pregnant?"

Me:

"Uh. 0."

Nurse:

"O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"

Me:

"I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."

Nurse:

"Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"

Me:

"With homosexuality."

Nurse:

Me:

Nurse:

Me:

"I fuck girls."